Today The Reluctant Eater would like to welcome Tillie Trimboli. Tillie is the Client Retention Specialist for an HR company in Boston. She has participated in everything from breakdancing to Tae Kwon Do to hackey sack, and recently retired from playing semi-pro womens football for the Mass Mutiny.
TRE: Tillie, can you tell us about your current relationship with food?
TT: Wow... the first question is a loaded one!
My relationship with food is frustrating. I repeat what I eat a lot; I like a limited amount of things, so that makes sense. But even though what I eat is repetitive, I have no rhythm or routine in my eating patterns. Some days I eat way too many calories, and other days I eat far too few. I have no consistency, except that I make poor choices.
The logical side of me knows that food is energy and that I only need to intake calories and energy to replace what I've used during the course of my day. However, my emotional side takes that logic and decides to replace the calories I've burned off with comfort food, like pizza, burgers, soda, french fries, chocolate, etc.
You wouldn't know it to look at me, but I actually don't eat much. I simply eat all the wrong things. Things that stick to my belly, thighs, etc. Instead of snacking on an apple, I'll eat a Snickers bar. Now, a Snickers bar alone isn't necessarily a bad thing, but when you couple that with a burger and fries, or fried chicken sandwich, or mac'n cheese, (or other high calorie - low nutrition foods), a Snickers bar is the proverbial straw that broke the camels back. I just make all the wrong choices. And the really infuriating part is that I know I'm doing it, and I still make the wrong choices.
Sometimes I try to go without eating just so I don't have to choose, because I never eat the right thing because I don't like the right things. Sad, right? I'd rather avoid the unavoidable, then deal with my frustration.
TRE: Have your eating habits always been like this, or is it a recent phenomenon?
TT: What I eat has been the same since I was little. My eating habits have always been poor. I've never fancied vegetables, or many fruits. I've always been a carbohydrates and sweets kind of girl.
How I eat has changed with the phases of my life. When I lived under my parents roof, I ate only slightly more balanced meals. Like I said, I've never like veggies, so my Mom would make sure there was cranberry sauce, apple sauce, potatoes... things I did eat.
During college, how I ate was time sensitive. Being a 3 sport athlete and in the prime of my life, I could eat whatever I wanted- whenever I wanted- because I was burning through some many calories it didn't matter.
Post college, I am responsible for feeding myself, so I buy and make only the things I like. I'd be throwing money away if I bought lettuce, carrots, corn, etc., but being with Jill has helped me a bit. She likes healthy stuff, so I buy it for her and then try some when she is having it.
TRE: Do you ever feel like your eating habits have limited you?
TT: Absolutely!
I seldom accept dinner invitations to people's homes because I'm a 'picky' eater and I don't want to appear rude, or high maintenance.
Eating out for business functions is always stressful for me, because I don't eat "grown up meals". Most of what I like comes from the kid's menu. This is changing a little recently, since I have discovered I like BBQ ribs and grilled Salmon.
In addition to invitations out, my eating habits do not promote wellness. My body would be a f*ing temple if I liked healthy foods. I don't drink, I don't smoke, I love physical exercise and pushing my body to untested limits... but my eating sucks. This causes lack of energy, lack of focus, and obvious weight issues.
TRE: It's amazing you have such clarity about this. Why do you think you still have a problem changing what you eat?
TT: I have clarity about this because I think about it all the time. I self-analyze a lot, and my eating habits are my weakest point.
That's the one answer I don't know. Certainly, a lot of it has to do with will power, determination, etc., but lately I've been wondering if self respect isn't playing a role in all of this.
When I play a team sport, I bust my ass to be the best I can be because I know my strength will only make the team stronger. When I was in college, and then after, playing football, I was a workout warrior. Being accountable to a team, and the thought of letting them down is a huge motivator for me. Now that I only have myself to be accountable to, it doesn't seem to matter if I am only letter myself down.
In the beginning of September, in addition to my regular journal writings, I began keeping a food journal; tracking what I eat and when. I am trying to focus on improving my relationship with food (so your interview couldn't be more timely!). The follow is an excerpt from my journal:
"Tomorrow I will begin the Food Diary portion this journal. I will weigh in once a week and write down what I eat throughout the day. This will be an interesting exercise since I can be accountable to everyone but myself. If I lie to myself then I'm only hurting myself and for some reason that's been ok. Why? I don't know. I don't want to lie to myself anymore. Hurting myself is not ok."
It sounds so cliche or pop-psychology to link poor eating to self-esteem or other psychological factors, but there may be a reason for it. I don't know. Right now I'm focusing on things I can control, which is of course the choices I make. I'm just trying to be more conscious of what my choices mean to my overall health. I'm quite literally taking it one bite at a time.
TRE: We recently interviewed Jayme Otto, who is a cyclist and very strict about her food. I can imagine football is vastly different in terms of how you are encouraged to eat. Has diet ever been a topic of conversation amongst your teammates?
TT: Not really, and more so in my college days than on my football team. My college teams had weigh ins, training programs, etc. College was when I first learned about protein bars, shakes, supplements, etc.
With football... the discussion seemed to differ from one position to the next. No one wanted to be weighed down or dehydrated, but each person seemed to have their own system for giving their body what it needed to get through games/practices.
TRE: Have you had any health problems as a result of what you have (or haven't) been eating?
TT: Not yet; but I'm pretty sure I can pencil myself in for Diabetes if I don't change soon.
TRE: It's great to see that you're finally taking some steps in the right direction (recognizing the problem, creating the journal). Have you been pressured much by friends and family?
TT: I've always been given grief about my eating by family, friends, co-workers, etc. They pick and make jokes, but nothing harmful. And it's not like anybody says something I haven't heard before, or told myself.
My father is the only one who talks to me seriously about it. He feels a lot of guilt about how I eat because I take after him in his eating habits. My father didn't like healthy foods, he didn't eat a lot of veggies (corn, green beans - that's it). He could and would eat a whole loaf of bread with peanut butter. His portions were way too big. I'm using the past tense because when he was 48 he changed. He made really hard life-style changes to what and how he ate. He now eats many veggies, smaller potions, doesn't drink with meals, and incorporated many other changes. He tries to be, and is, an inspiration to me.
TRE: Thanks so much for talking with us Tillie, do you have an parting words of wisdom for our readers?
TT: This was an enlightening experience. Thanks.
that really helped solidify the concepts I was reading about in the natural grocers' brochures.
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